Lately, I seem to have lost sight of who my God is. Sure, I’ve checked off my quiet times and prayed some prayers. But it’s been a long while since I sat in His presence. I’ve forgotten how powerful He is. About how much He cares for us. When we lose sight of the Lord, we often lose sight of who we are in Him, too. I haven’t recognized the woman in the mirror lately. She looks tired, stressed, confused, and sometimes like she can’t be still with all she is trying to finish.
As I get older, I have tended to notice more patterns in my life. One of those patterns includes me trying to do it all myself — can anyone relate? I fall so easily back into this trap of self-reliance. There are seasons of intense trust in the Lord followed by seasons of forgetting that He is there to lean on. It’s a cycle I’m praying the Lord will break me of. I’ve been teaching my own class of rambunctiously adorable first graders for 2 weeks now. And I’m already exhausted because of my tendency to trust in myself.
These 2 weeks have been long and chaotic. I’m finding myself gasping for a moment of silence and peace. For a breath of fresh air. For a moment of Selah. Selah means to pause and reflect. To me it means to rest in the Lord and let Him restore you. This weekend was that moment of Selah for me. I put the rest of the world on pause for two days and I finally felt like I could breathe again.
This past weekend, I got to go back to my home in Ohio.
I sat in traffic catching up on life struggles. I gave tight hugs to friends I hadn’t seen in a year. I stayed up late and listened to the hearts of girls who have become my sisters. I laughed and sang along to High School Musical. I walked up a steep hill and through the woods and cabins and rooms that hold my heart. I shared remember when stories from summers past. I was listened to and encouraged and I got to do the same for others. I paused and thanked God for redeeming my life from the pit. I praised and cried out to Jesus in worship. I listened and learned about the God of comfort at church and remembered His grace through communion.
I finally felt still before the Lord – even in the midst of the people and activities.
For just a weekend, I was able to escape the stresses that come with teaching and being a 22 year old girl trying to figure out this life. I escaped into “the bubble” and the Lord offered restoration and rest. I came back to my tiny apartment and jumped back into Monday in first grade. There was a slight difference in the mirror this morning though. I felt peace. I felt loved. And I felt the Lord remind me that somehow this is all going to work out for His good.